Even when I do “feminine” things I personally feel completely disconnected from the concept of femininity.
Androgyny isn’t by necessity a combination or confusion of masculine and feminine elements. I think I’m just some guy but in an androgynous way. A neutral way, even. Even when I do things typically considered “feminine” that doesn’t really feel feminine to me.
I feel like gay man or even asexual man sort of feels like a gender by itself sometimes due to societal necessity. So much of manhood in our society is defined by its opposition to and partnership with femininity. So when you refuse to make that a part of your life the world doesn’t quite know what to do with you. Everything you do with your gender presentation whether it be hyper masculine, hyper feminine, just normal, or androgynous, has become disconnected from the reasons society says you should or should not be that.
I see lesbians talking sometimes about their gender being lesbian and I get that completely but like from the other angle. Even if you have no partner and never will you’ve disconnected yourself completely from society’s ideas of how a life should go for someone of your supposed gender.
And all this is just my perspective and personal experience. I can’t speak for anyone else. But I guess that’s part of why I feel barely connected to my own gender even though I am trans and chose to be a man because that’s what I am and what makes me happiest. Part of why I also identify as non binary I think. Most gay or ace men won’t but to me at least society ties your gender so much to your sexuality that I can’t help but feel weird about where I’m sitting in that ecosystem and feel disconnected from it. I feel like gender wise I have far more in common with other queer men cis and otherwise then I do with anyone else. Just the way I see it though.